


the devil still fixates me

by cleptid



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's
Genre: Ficlet, Gen, Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 18:32:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3457445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleptid/pseuds/cleptid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been months since she's last seen him, but Divine still haunts Aki's dreams. Aki-centric. Takes place in the six month period after the Dark Signers have been defeated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the devil still fixates me

**Author's Note:**

> Pairings: Relatively gen was my intention. Perhaps underlying Aki x Divine if you choose to read it that way.  
> Warnings/Triggers: Spoilers for the Dark Signer arc. Aki's a victim of emotional manipulation by Divine, and there's a lot of guilt on her part.  
> Disclaimer: I don't own 5D's.

Sometimes she still dreams of him.

She dreams of him murmuring pretty words into her ear, soft reassurances that quell her guilt. A warm hand at the small of her back, a steady presence. His calm voice telling her mechanical instructions, which she follows in full. The complete peace of mind he brings to her and that broken heart of hers.

Aki dreams of a time of codependency. A time where she lived without the burden of thought.

He makes her feel good, like she's okay, that it's okay to be what she is, this awful, irredeemable monster. That's all she wants. That's all she's ever wanted.

With Divine at her side, she just feels so relieved. He's there to take it on for her, whatever she's carrying on her shoulders, no matter how heavy. Aki just needs to obey and follow the path he has paved. As long as she complies, she is wanted and cherished.

Aki always wakes up horrified and disgusted with herself. For every traitor part of her that still yearns for his presence, another part of her hates that side twofold, threefold. She's so ashamed, after all that's happened, of all she knows he's done, that some part of her still believes.

She knows what he is. His manipulations, his disregard for human lives, all the people that he has used as simple pawns—including her. But there's still this part of her that she cannot squash, the remains of her heart that can't let go of him.

It's already light out. Dreams with him, despite how disgusting she feels afterward, always give her a good night's rest. She leans back against the headrest of her bed and brings her sheets up to her chest.

She's tried to surround herself with the present, her current life, nothing from that dark period. On her desk there are pictures of her at the academy with Rua and Ruka, of Yusei and everyone else. On the walls and around her room are dueling posters and duel runner magazines. Her academy uniform hangs on her door. Everything is all very now. Nothing of that mask, that cloak. It's all been thrown out. She wants to avoid even thinking of that persona, of him and what he did to her, what he  _still_   manages to do to her, at all costs.

Yet he still manages to creep up in her dreams. She has no control and can't prevent such a thing from happening, but each time the realization dawns on her she's more and more horrified.

It's part of the healing process, she knows. Her mother, Yusei, they've all told her repeatedly that her feelings are complex and won't be resolved overnight. That it's ok to feel what she feels. That she's a victim, and that she can't fault herself for everything.

But it doesn't remove the guilt that claws away at her every morning afterwards. She's getting better, has been able to talk to people and communicate much easier, and can smile and laugh and duel for fun. So it makes it all the more frustrating that she just can't get away from him.

Aki's grips her sheets tight in her hands. Why, with all the progress she's made, does this continue to happen?

Why won't his image go away?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'd love to hear any of your thoughts and/or any concrit you'd like to share.  
> Aki doesn't display the best coping mechanisms, and I feel like she's internalized a lot of guilt about her relationship with Divine. Despite how much he's used her, he still means so much to her. Even though her caring for him isn't her fault, it's probably hard for her to not think that way.  
> I feel that later on she would be able to open up to more people, figures like Yusei and (hopefully) her parents, but it takes time and her wounds are still very, very fresh.


End file.
